An Ugly Saturday Subway Ride

It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and you are riding on the subway. It’s pretty quiet; everyone seems to be happy and relaxed.

Suddenly, one person stands up and starts shouting at someone else in the middle of the car. The first person’s voice gets louder, and then they start shoving the other person and throwing punches.

Around them, all the riders have different reactions. Some people quickly move away. Some move closer. One individual starts to get up to stop the bully, but then sits back down. A few people ignore everything and continue reading their newspapers. Some riders simply stare, horrified but unable to turn away. Someone covers their eyes and shrinks into a corner. A few watch the fight with smiles on their faces. Others just gaze at the scene disinterestedly. A couple of people shout, “Yeah! Get him!” while others say, “Come on! Fight back!” and a few yell, “Hey! Stop it!”

Finally, somebody presses the yellow emergency line to sound the alarm, while two or three other people get together to break up the fight. Someone kneels next to the victim to offer aid, and two others control the bully until the authorities arrive.

* * *

Which of these people are you? Which of these people do you wish you could be? Does the situation change if the bully was only shouting, not hitting? Would you act differently if you were with someone you knew, or if you knew the people fighting? Or what if everyone involved was a kid? What if all this happened at recess in the playground, or after school in the parking lot, or even in the middle of a hallway, instead of on the subway?

* * *

Bullying is when someone keeps doing something to have power over someone else. It includes:

- name-calling

- saying or writing mean things about someone

- purposely leaving them out of games and activities (“freezing them out”)

- purposely ignoring them

- threatening them

- taking or damaging their things

- hitting, shoving or kicking them

- forcing someone do something they don’t want to do

Why do people bully? They may just want some attention. They may want other people to fear them. They may just want to seem tough. Sometimes they might be jealous of their victim. Sometimes they might be victims of another bully. Some bullies do not realize how wrong their behaviour is.

A major study in Toronto found that bullying happens once every seven minutes on the playground, and once every 25 minutes in class. It’s been called a “spectator sport” because so many of us just sit and watch while our classmates are made fun of or beaten up. The problem is that if we stand and watch, it’s like we’re silently supporting the bullying. It’s not that bystanders necessarily enjoy the scene – most of us are afraid that if we try to do something by ourselves, we will become the next target.

That is why many activists and organizations, including the Concerned Children’s Advertisers (CCA), are trying to encourage students to band together to work against bullies. One of the CCA’s television ads say: “Bullies aren’t bigger than all of us.” It’s true.

Get together with your friends and make a pact that if you see someone being bullied, you’ll all stand up to the bully together. Try to help the victim. Bullies are used to getting their own way – when a bunch of people confront a bully, the bully will usually back down. But at the same time, don’t put yourself in any danger. If you don’t feel safe, walk away and get help from a teacher or another adult!

But don’t just stand and watch, please.

Check out www.cca-kids.ca/life for more information about what to do if you see bullying, or if you are a victim, or a bully. Call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 at anytime if you want to talk about any problems you’re having.

Toronto Star, February 2004